So, I knew I was out of shape. I didn't work out a whole lot this pregnancy, and even before I got pregnant I wasn't exercising quite as much as I used to. With Cale, I exercised 3-4 times a week and had even been at the gym earlier in the day that I went into labor. But not this time around. I had no idea how out of shape I am. I decided yesterday that I felt good enough that I could start walking. I'm still a little sore, but much better than I was last week. In my mind I'm ready to start doing more, but I know I better start out slow.
Yesterday, I walked for about 30 minutes pushing Cale in the stroller around our neighborhood. And yes, I broke a sweat and even got a little winded. Today, while Carl was home on lunch, I set out with my 5-pound weights and walked for another 30 minutes. While the weights didn't seem like much at the time, my arms now feel like jello. You would think I just ran 5 miles the way my body feels. I'm pooped! It's a little depressing, realizing that my dreams of jumping right in to P90X and running are probably a little unrealistic right now. But, it's also a little exciting because hopefully I have no where to go, but up! Anything I do is better than the nothing I've been doing! So, I guess I'll try walking for a week or two and then maybe I can actually go to the gym. Guess I can kiss my couch potato days goodbye. It's actually bittersweet, really. It was fun while it lasted. I guess I've got the memories.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
My Maternity Leave Resolution
Okay, so with this maternity leave I have made a...resolution I guess you could call it. I will take a shower, brush my teeth, AND put on makeup every single day. Yes, this may not sound like much. Basic hygiene, right? Well, as basic as it is, it was more like a special treat than a daily regimen a few years ago when I had Cale. Looking back, I'm not sure why I had so much trouble keeping myself "clean and presentable" but I do remember thinking it was so hard! It seemed like I had no time or energy for it. But, so far with Keaton, as soon as Carl and Cale head out the door in the morning, I do a quick toy run, tossing the hundred toys that Cale somehow manages to get out in the 30 minutes he's awake before leaving, back into the toybox...and then I hit the shower. I have even been shaving my legs, can you believe it? It's amazing how a simple shower can make you feel. Not to mention some make-up and a flat iron. Now if I can just work on getting rid of this belly! That's another story.
I'm also trying to get something out of the ordinary accomplished around the house each day. Things that I've been wanting to get done for awhile but haven't found the time to do...(like cleaning the dreaded closet or junk drawers or the windows...those are the worst!) So far I'm doing okay on this, but not great. I need to get just a bit more productive!
I'm also trying to get something out of the ordinary accomplished around the house each day. Things that I've been wanting to get done for awhile but haven't found the time to do...(like cleaning the dreaded closet or junk drawers or the windows...those are the worst!) So far I'm doing okay on this, but not great. I need to get just a bit more productive!
Sleep...Wahoo!
For two nights now, Keaton has been sleeping better. Now don't get me wrong, he still wakes up a couple of times each night...but he actually has been sleeping in between the wakings, which is progress. It's really weird. It's like he's adjusted his "fussy, wanna be held, cry for a couple of hours" time from 10:30 start time to about 7:00. For the past two nights, he has started crying at around 7:00 and has fussed until about 9:30. Then, when it comes time to give him a bath and put him to bed, he goes down fine. This is what he had been doing from about 10:30 until 3:00 in the morning. So, I'm just thrilled he seems to be moving his fussy time to a more manageable hour! I sure hope I'm not speaking too soon. It seems like everytime I open my big mouth... Oh well, guess I better knock on wood, just in case.
Keaton is so different than Cale. Cale was the baby who never would sleep in our bed. Well, we never tried it when he was little but as he got older there have been times when traveling, etc. where we've tried to get him to sleep with us and he refuses. Absolutely, no way. Keaton on the other hand would be happy to do all of his sleeping in our bed. I know it's dangerous to have a newborn in bed with you, but on his rough nights...I've finally given in. Last night, after his first waking, he kept crying when I put him in his pack-n-play. So, finally I just put him beside me in the bed and he slept like a dream. Luckily we have a king size bed and it's big enough that there's pretty much no way Carl would roll over on Keaton because he's all the way on the other side. Now, me on the other hand am the one that probably needs to be worried. I sleep cuddled right up to Keaton when he's in our bed. I'm not a real sound sleeper so I don't think there's any way I could roll over on Keaton and not wake up. Although something strange did happen this morning. I always put Keaton in the middle when I put him in bed with us. When I woke up this morning, I was in the middle and he was on the outside. How on earth did this happen? I know I must not have smushed him, because he never cried and is fine this morning. Sooo, I'm baffled. But, it does kinda scare me a little.
I'm going to try breaking Keaton of this bad habit because even though it's fun having him to cuddle with, I would sleep much better with him in his own bed. And pretty soon, if we get him sleeping better, his own bed will be put in his own room...instead of ours! I'm tired of hearing every breath and wimper and sneeze!
Our sleeping arrangement is so messed up right now. Keaton sleeps in our room and sometimes in our bed. Cale sleeps in Keaton's room in his old crib. No one sleeps in Cale's room in the toddler bed. Well, according to Cale his "trains" sleep in his room on the train table (he tells them goodnight each evening). But, nothing living sleeps there. Yeah, we probably need to work on getting this straightened out. I'm thinking we may be buying a second crib. Cale went from waking up and getting out of bed 12 times in one night, to sleeping through the night without a peep. From the day we put him back in the crib he hasn't woken up one single time at night. I'll tell you the truth, I'm horrified to try putting him back in the toddler bed. Why ruin a good thing? So, maybe by summer, or end of summer (yes, I will probably think of every excuse to avoid it) we might try the big boy bed again. Maybe our big boy will have some self-control by then! Or we may just have to put a lock on the outside of the room. Don't judge us! Just wait until you have a stubborn two-year old who refuses to stay in bed no matter the number of spankings or the number of times you pick him up and put him straight back to bed (seriously, 12 times one night). You just might consider locking the door, too. Or strapping him into the bed. Well, that might be frowned upon just a little.
Keaton is so different than Cale. Cale was the baby who never would sleep in our bed. Well, we never tried it when he was little but as he got older there have been times when traveling, etc. where we've tried to get him to sleep with us and he refuses. Absolutely, no way. Keaton on the other hand would be happy to do all of his sleeping in our bed. I know it's dangerous to have a newborn in bed with you, but on his rough nights...I've finally given in. Last night, after his first waking, he kept crying when I put him in his pack-n-play. So, finally I just put him beside me in the bed and he slept like a dream. Luckily we have a king size bed and it's big enough that there's pretty much no way Carl would roll over on Keaton because he's all the way on the other side. Now, me on the other hand am the one that probably needs to be worried. I sleep cuddled right up to Keaton when he's in our bed. I'm not a real sound sleeper so I don't think there's any way I could roll over on Keaton and not wake up. Although something strange did happen this morning. I always put Keaton in the middle when I put him in bed with us. When I woke up this morning, I was in the middle and he was on the outside. How on earth did this happen? I know I must not have smushed him, because he never cried and is fine this morning. Sooo, I'm baffled. But, it does kinda scare me a little.
I'm going to try breaking Keaton of this bad habit because even though it's fun having him to cuddle with, I would sleep much better with him in his own bed. And pretty soon, if we get him sleeping better, his own bed will be put in his own room...instead of ours! I'm tired of hearing every breath and wimper and sneeze!
Our sleeping arrangement is so messed up right now. Keaton sleeps in our room and sometimes in our bed. Cale sleeps in Keaton's room in his old crib. No one sleeps in Cale's room in the toddler bed. Well, according to Cale his "trains" sleep in his room on the train table (he tells them goodnight each evening). But, nothing living sleeps there. Yeah, we probably need to work on getting this straightened out. I'm thinking we may be buying a second crib. Cale went from waking up and getting out of bed 12 times in one night, to sleeping through the night without a peep. From the day we put him back in the crib he hasn't woken up one single time at night. I'll tell you the truth, I'm horrified to try putting him back in the toddler bed. Why ruin a good thing? So, maybe by summer, or end of summer (yes, I will probably think of every excuse to avoid it) we might try the big boy bed again. Maybe our big boy will have some self-control by then! Or we may just have to put a lock on the outside of the room. Don't judge us! Just wait until you have a stubborn two-year old who refuses to stay in bed no matter the number of spankings or the number of times you pick him up and put him straight back to bed (seriously, 12 times one night). You just might consider locking the door, too. Or strapping him into the bed. Well, that might be frowned upon just a little.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Big Brother
Cale's life has changed a lot in the past week and a half. He's gone from being the only "baby"...the one we spent every minute doting over...the one we talked about constantly...the one we dropped everything for to play tractors or go to the park...the one we missed so much when we were away from him...to being the "big brother"...the one who has to sometimes wait to get our attention...the one who doesn't look or smell like a "baby" anymore...the one who has to share Momma's lap during bedtime book reading because "baby brother" won't stop crying...the one whose diapers suddenly look like "adult diapers" compared to the newborn diapers we're putting on Keaton. This has to be a shock for the little guy.
But so far, he's adjusting much better than we expected. I really think Cale loves Keaton and he seems to understand that sometimes we have to give Keaton attention. Of course, we've been really careful to be extra playful with Cale to make sure he doesn't feel left out. Also, Cale has been going to Nonna's (his babysitter)during the day so when he's home Carl and I are usually both here to divide our attention. The first night we were home with both Cale and the baby, my parents stopped by to bring us dinner. While my dad was holding Keaton, Cale got a little rough with him. My dad told him a simple "no", which is something Cale hears very often from us. But, for some reason when other people, especially "Pop" say the "N" word, he melts down. Well, Cale started crying and then slapped Keaton in the face. We got onto him and told him he had to be gentle with baby brother. He screamed, "No, I not be gentle!" Needless to say, we were a little nervous about what the next few weeks were going to hold.
But, really that was the only incident Cale has had so far. Other than that, we've just had to remind him to be gentle/careful when he's holding Keaton. A young nurse gave us some good advice when we left the hospital. She has a 3-year old and a 4-month old. She suggested that we make sure we're careful not to mention Keaton's name when we're getting onto Cale or when we are telling Cale that we can't do something he's wanting us to do. For example, instead of saying, "I can't play tractors right now Cale because I'm feeding Keaton" just say, "I'll play tractors in just a minute Cale." We've been working really hard at doing this and I think it has helped. This way Cale won't begin to resent "Baby Keaton", as he calls him! Pretty good advice if you ask me!
It's like Cale has become funnier since we came home with Keaton. He's talking more than ever and is goofier than ever! He told us Keaton "smells like a dog" the other day. He just says whatever is on his mind...and he repeats anything we say (so scary). The other day, I, without thinking, said, "Oh crap!". A few minutes later as Cale was playing, something didn't go his way and of course he said, "Oh crap!" In that moment I was so glad that Carl and I don't curse. We would be in a world of trouble.
Also, a few days ago Cale came into the bathroom while I was in there. He walked over to me and said, "Mommy, you wear a diaper?" I panicked as I began to picture Cale telling random people that I wear a diaper, so I said the first thing that came to my mind: "No Cale, it's a band-aid." I figured that if he told people I had on a band-aid, they would have no idea what he really meant. Hey, cut me some slack, I don't think very quickly on my feet!
A few weeks ago while I was getting groceries, Carl took Cale to the toy section to kill some time. I know, this was a very risky thing to do with a 2-year old but I guess Carl was feeling brave. When it was time to go, Carl had to forcefully grab Cale up, because he wasn't going to leave the toys willingly. Cale got mad at Carl and after a few seconds said (in a loud enough voice that anyone nearby could hear), "You stink, Dad. You smell like poo-poo". I guess this was his first attempt at saying something mean. Apparently he repeated it several more times as they made their way to the frozen food section to find me.
I have a feeling that Cale will embarrass Carl and I many more times in his young life. Especially if he catches on to the fact that it makes us feel uncomfortable. And I have a feeling he'll figure that out before too long...then there's no stopping him!
But so far, he's adjusting much better than we expected. I really think Cale loves Keaton and he seems to understand that sometimes we have to give Keaton attention. Of course, we've been really careful to be extra playful with Cale to make sure he doesn't feel left out. Also, Cale has been going to Nonna's (his babysitter)during the day so when he's home Carl and I are usually both here to divide our attention. The first night we were home with both Cale and the baby, my parents stopped by to bring us dinner. While my dad was holding Keaton, Cale got a little rough with him. My dad told him a simple "no", which is something Cale hears very often from us. But, for some reason when other people, especially "Pop" say the "N" word, he melts down. Well, Cale started crying and then slapped Keaton in the face. We got onto him and told him he had to be gentle with baby brother. He screamed, "No, I not be gentle!" Needless to say, we were a little nervous about what the next few weeks were going to hold.
But, really that was the only incident Cale has had so far. Other than that, we've just had to remind him to be gentle/careful when he's holding Keaton. A young nurse gave us some good advice when we left the hospital. She has a 3-year old and a 4-month old. She suggested that we make sure we're careful not to mention Keaton's name when we're getting onto Cale or when we are telling Cale that we can't do something he's wanting us to do. For example, instead of saying, "I can't play tractors right now Cale because I'm feeding Keaton" just say, "I'll play tractors in just a minute Cale." We've been working really hard at doing this and I think it has helped. This way Cale won't begin to resent "Baby Keaton", as he calls him! Pretty good advice if you ask me!
It's like Cale has become funnier since we came home with Keaton. He's talking more than ever and is goofier than ever! He told us Keaton "smells like a dog" the other day. He just says whatever is on his mind...and he repeats anything we say (so scary). The other day, I, without thinking, said, "Oh crap!". A few minutes later as Cale was playing, something didn't go his way and of course he said, "Oh crap!" In that moment I was so glad that Carl and I don't curse. We would be in a world of trouble.
Also, a few days ago Cale came into the bathroom while I was in there. He walked over to me and said, "Mommy, you wear a diaper?" I panicked as I began to picture Cale telling random people that I wear a diaper, so I said the first thing that came to my mind: "No Cale, it's a band-aid." I figured that if he told people I had on a band-aid, they would have no idea what he really meant. Hey, cut me some slack, I don't think very quickly on my feet!
A few weeks ago while I was getting groceries, Carl took Cale to the toy section to kill some time. I know, this was a very risky thing to do with a 2-year old but I guess Carl was feeling brave. When it was time to go, Carl had to forcefully grab Cale up, because he wasn't going to leave the toys willingly. Cale got mad at Carl and after a few seconds said (in a loud enough voice that anyone nearby could hear), "You stink, Dad. You smell like poo-poo". I guess this was his first attempt at saying something mean. Apparently he repeated it several more times as they made their way to the frozen food section to find me.
I have a feeling that Cale will embarrass Carl and I many more times in his young life. Especially if he catches on to the fact that it makes us feel uncomfortable. And I have a feeling he'll figure that out before too long...then there's no stopping him!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
First Week...We Survived!
Well, we survived our first week with two little ones. Well, one "little" one and one who seemed little up until a week ago. Now, our two-year old "baby" suddenly seems like a giant! Everything from his beefy hands to his 30 pound body...it's like he became a little boy overnight. So far, having two kids doesn't seem so hard. But, I'm not that naive. I know that Keaton hasn't even begun to wake up yet, so for now things are pretty calm. Our days seem too good to be true. Keaton sleeps a large part of the day. He's content sleeping in the pack-n-play or propped up on the boppy pillow on the couch (which is a bit risky with big brother running around). It seems that throughout the day Keaton only cries when he's hungry or gassy. But, at night he turns into this different baby. It's so crazy. Usually somewhere between 10:00-10:30 (like clockwork) Keaton begins to cry. That seems to usually be around feeding time, so I change him, feed him, swaddle him up, and put him in his bed. But, instead of being content like he is ALL day, the minute I put him down he cries. I pick him back up and with a little coercing, he stops. I put him down, he cries. Every night since we've had him home, we repeat this same routine. Put him down, cry, pick him up, quiet. This goes on until 2:30 or 3:00 each night. Then, suddenly he becomes content to just lay and sleep. He then usually sleeps until morning and of course sleeps most of the day away. We thought it could be colic, but really he isn't inconsolable during that 10:00-3:00 time. He just really wants to be held which is crazy because throughout the day he really doesn't seem to mind sitting by himself at all. Some people have told us he could have his days and nights confused. Which I'm thinking may be it, but it still doesn't make sense. He does have wakeful times throughout the day and he will just sit contentedly and look around. So, I don't understand why at night, at the same time each night, he gets so discontent. Oh well, newborns are a mystery!
I'm just so glad that we are more experienced this time around. I'm so happy that my body seems to be adjusted to lack of sleep. It's like I'm so used to not getting great sleep, that it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I remember with Cale, the lack of sleep just about caused several meltdowns on my part. Which is crazy because with Cale, when he was sleeping throughout the day, I could nap whenever I wanted (not that I actually did, that was my mistake!). With Keaton it's a little harder because I have to wait to nap until Cale goes to sleep. And usually Cale's nap isn't that long so...that means I don't get much time to make up for lost sleep.
But, somehow my body seems to be coping with it. And I'm not a "basket-case", so mentally I seem to be coping with it! Well, not a basket-case yet. Yet, being the key word. A few weeks of 3 hours/night of sleep...and I most likely may become a little crazy. But, I'm hoping Keaton will have things figured out by then. I mean, we had a long talk yesterday afternoon about the proper time to sleep. And I really thought last night was going to be different. I thought that stern "talking-to" was just what Keaton needed. But, I guess he is just as stubborn as his big brother because he didn't listen to a thing I said. Imagine that!
Aside from the sleeping situation, life is great right now. It's really better than I expected. I love my two little boys, and my big boy. I guess I kinda like being surrounded by boys, to tell you the truth. I love, love, love being able to have caffiene without guilt or reservation. We have gone to Sonic every single day since Keaton's birth. A large Dr. Pepper never tasted so good. Yes, I am making up for lost time, and then some. This is pitiful but I'm going to fess up. I am truly a different person when my caffiene intake isn't limited. I seriously felt a change when I started drinking caffienated cokes and coffee in excess again. I'm getting giddy just writing about it! And Carl has even noticed a change in my mood. That's sad, right? Sad, but true.
Happy Hour=Happy Momma.
I'm just so glad that we are more experienced this time around. I'm so happy that my body seems to be adjusted to lack of sleep. It's like I'm so used to not getting great sleep, that it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I remember with Cale, the lack of sleep just about caused several meltdowns on my part. Which is crazy because with Cale, when he was sleeping throughout the day, I could nap whenever I wanted (not that I actually did, that was my mistake!). With Keaton it's a little harder because I have to wait to nap until Cale goes to sleep. And usually Cale's nap isn't that long so...that means I don't get much time to make up for lost sleep.
But, somehow my body seems to be coping with it. And I'm not a "basket-case", so mentally I seem to be coping with it! Well, not a basket-case yet. Yet, being the key word. A few weeks of 3 hours/night of sleep...and I most likely may become a little crazy. But, I'm hoping Keaton will have things figured out by then. I mean, we had a long talk yesterday afternoon about the proper time to sleep. And I really thought last night was going to be different. I thought that stern "talking-to" was just what Keaton needed. But, I guess he is just as stubborn as his big brother because he didn't listen to a thing I said. Imagine that!
Aside from the sleeping situation, life is great right now. It's really better than I expected. I love my two little boys, and my big boy. I guess I kinda like being surrounded by boys, to tell you the truth. I love, love, love being able to have caffiene without guilt or reservation. We have gone to Sonic every single day since Keaton's birth. A large Dr. Pepper never tasted so good. Yes, I am making up for lost time, and then some. This is pitiful but I'm going to fess up. I am truly a different person when my caffiene intake isn't limited. I seriously felt a change when I started drinking caffienated cokes and coffee in excess again. I'm getting giddy just writing about it! And Carl has even noticed a change in my mood. That's sad, right? Sad, but true.
Happy Hour=Happy Momma.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The Delivery...
So, Keaton Gray is finally here. And a little early at that! A week ago today, I took my swollen self to the doctor for my 2-week check-up. After seeing my legs and feet, taking my blood pressure, and testing my urine, my doc told me that I was no longer going to work...bedrest for me! Then, on my way home, he called to tell me that I had to go to the hospital to be monitored because my platelets were low. He also informed me that this could mean no epidural. Blah, blah, blah...let's get to the good stuff. On Friday night, we sat in the hospital room awaiting the results of my bloodwork...thinking there might be a chance we would get to go home. When my doc walked in he instantly said, "Well, we're having a baby tomorrow.". So, that was that. I actually felt a little relief in that moment because I was really tired of being pregnant and swollen. Plus we were ready to meet our little guy. Then, my doc bursted my bubble by uttering the words I had dreaded hearing. He told me my platelets were even lower...in the 80's...and I couldn't have an epidural. So, that was that. I guess I was half-expecting it, since he had pre-warned me on Thursday. But, I really think that deep down I thought it would work out so that I would get my beloved epidural. So, I took a sleeping pill that night...cause I wouldn't have been sleeping without one!
The next morning at 5:00 am we headed to the delivery room to begin the process. Little did I know the process was going to take FOR-ever. When we got in the room, they began my IV. Then, we waited. My doctor wasn't going to be in until about 8:00 or so and that's when they were going to break my water. In the meantime at around 7:30, they started my pitocin. When, my doctor finally came in and "Checked me", I was at a one (crush my spirit) and the baby was still too high to break my water. A one? I just knew I was more than that. So, we waited and waited through contractions that weren't that painful yet. After several more checks I was still a one. I never thought I would hate that number so much. Finally at about 4:00, I felt the craziest and actually kinda painful pop. Then, the waters broke loose. And from that point on, it was game time.
My heavy contractions started the minute my water broke. The nurse came in to check me and what do ya know, I was still a one. I was in disbelief and almost tears, because this "one" felt about like the 4 or 5 I experienced with Cale (right before they gave me an epidural) And all my pain was in my back lower half, which I didn't experience at all with Cale. I hear that's called "back labor" Whatever it is, it sucks. As time passed, the pain got worse and worse. I went from grimacing to self-consiously moaning to almost yelling. I remember I kept looking at the clock as I slowly became more dilated...and thinking "I can't do this. I'll never be able to endure what a "10" is going to feel like." Earlier in the day Carl had said things like..."Oh I bet this baby will be here by early afternoon." Then, when early afternoon came and went he said, "I bet this baby will be here by 7:00". When 7:00 came and went, he started to make another prediction but apparently I told him to "just shut-up" And that's when my meanness began.
Through the course of getting from a 1 to a 10, I apparently told Carl to "shut-up" and to "quit touching me". I told him I felt like I was "dying". I slapped the phone out of his hand as he began to text. I can actually remember being ticked when he picked up his phone. The closer I got to a 10 I apparently even tried to bite him a few times. The reason I say "apparently" is because the medicine they give you when you don't have an epidural knocks you out. This sounds great, right? Well, it only knocks you out in between contractions. Every time a contraction starts back up, I was awoken by the pain. But, hey, at least in between I got some relief. One of the things I remember thinking was how mad I was that CJ's Burger was going to be closed by the time I had Keaton. Not that I was hungry in those moments, but that was suppossed to be my reward for childbirth and I knew I wasn't going to get it.
Finally at about 10:15 or so, I had made it to the magic number. It was time to start pushing. Really I had no choice because when you can feel the pain of labor, and it's pushing time, there's no denying it. I don't think it would be possible NOT to push by that time. Looking back, it's funny. I remember telling Carl early that morning that I hoped I didn't pass gas during the pushing because that type of embarrassment would be hard for me to handle. Well, let's just say that just a "poot" would've been a blessing. What actually happened was a pregnant girl's worst nightmare...Carl and my relationship has gone to a whole other level, and it wasn't pretty. I'll leave it at that. Luckily the pushing only lasted about 45 minutes or so. Yes it hurt; it hurt badly; but actually I think the contractions themselves without the pushing, were worse. My mom would be proud of me, the worst "profanity" I uttered in those moments was, "goodness". No curse words came out, even though I'm pretty sure I thought a few...or more.
At 11:01 Keaton was born. I can't tell you how relieved I was that it was over. Or so I thought. Just like last time, the nurses scooped Keaton up and instantly started doing their thing. I kept trying to catch glimpses of him as my doctor sewed me up. Now, the next part is probably TMI, but here goes. About 10 minutes after I had Cale my doctor started pushing on my stomach to try and get the placenta out. A few minutes in, he realized it wasn't going to be easy. He told me I had two options: He could knock me out, take me into surgery, and do a D & C or he could go for it, but it would be painful. I don't know what I was thinking, but I said "go for it" After about 30 minutes of extreme pushing, that was truly worse than the contractions and birth, my doctor gave up and told me they were going to take me into surgery to get a D&C. I can remember my doctor apologizing over and over as he pushed on my stomach and I cried out, all my shame and self-consciousness long gone. I also remember feeling like a little kid, thinking, "This isn't fair. It's suppossed to be over. I'm suppossed to be holding my little boy, seeing close family members, and chowing down on my burger, fries, and coke. This isn't suppossed to be happening." Well, besides the cold, bright surgery room, I don't remember anything else until about 7:30 the next morning. I remember waking up and thinking, "It's over, it's actually over". Then, I got really excited because I remembered that I hadn't really even seen my little boy. So, I woke Carl up and asked him to go to the nursery to get Keaton. (I think the second thing out of my mouth was, "We're NOT having any more babies") Wouldn't you know the on-call pediatrician was making his rounds and I didn't get to see Keaton for about another hour. And breakfast wasn't served for about another hour. I was a little aggravated!
But, it's over now. We're all home now as a family. Childbirth is a memory...not quite a distant memory yet, but a memory nonetheless. We are enjoying our time as a family of four and so far it has been surprisingly free of meltdowns. I feel so much more prepared this time around. I haven't freaked out at little things like last time. Lack of sleep hasn't effected me like last time either. It's like my body knew what the lack of sleep was going to feel like, and it was ready to cope. I've been pretty uncomfortable since the birth,but hopefully I'll feel better in a week or two. All-in-all, things are pretty great.
Mark my words: NO MORE BABIES FOR ME. No more being pregnant, no more swelling, no more getting bigger each day, no more dorky pants that go up to my boobs, no more labor pains...no more! Our family is complete! Ahhhh, that's a good feeling!
The next morning at 5:00 am we headed to the delivery room to begin the process. Little did I know the process was going to take FOR-ever. When we got in the room, they began my IV. Then, we waited. My doctor wasn't going to be in until about 8:00 or so and that's when they were going to break my water. In the meantime at around 7:30, they started my pitocin. When, my doctor finally came in and "Checked me", I was at a one (crush my spirit) and the baby was still too high to break my water. A one? I just knew I was more than that. So, we waited and waited through contractions that weren't that painful yet. After several more checks I was still a one. I never thought I would hate that number so much. Finally at about 4:00, I felt the craziest and actually kinda painful pop. Then, the waters broke loose. And from that point on, it was game time.
My heavy contractions started the minute my water broke. The nurse came in to check me and what do ya know, I was still a one. I was in disbelief and almost tears, because this "one" felt about like the 4 or 5 I experienced with Cale (right before they gave me an epidural) And all my pain was in my back lower half, which I didn't experience at all with Cale. I hear that's called "back labor" Whatever it is, it sucks. As time passed, the pain got worse and worse. I went from grimacing to self-consiously moaning to almost yelling. I remember I kept looking at the clock as I slowly became more dilated...and thinking "I can't do this. I'll never be able to endure what a "10" is going to feel like." Earlier in the day Carl had said things like..."Oh I bet this baby will be here by early afternoon." Then, when early afternoon came and went he said, "I bet this baby will be here by 7:00". When 7:00 came and went, he started to make another prediction but apparently I told him to "just shut-up" And that's when my meanness began.
Through the course of getting from a 1 to a 10, I apparently told Carl to "shut-up" and to "quit touching me". I told him I felt like I was "dying". I slapped the phone out of his hand as he began to text. I can actually remember being ticked when he picked up his phone. The closer I got to a 10 I apparently even tried to bite him a few times. The reason I say "apparently" is because the medicine they give you when you don't have an epidural knocks you out. This sounds great, right? Well, it only knocks you out in between contractions. Every time a contraction starts back up, I was awoken by the pain. But, hey, at least in between I got some relief. One of the things I remember thinking was how mad I was that CJ's Burger was going to be closed by the time I had Keaton. Not that I was hungry in those moments, but that was suppossed to be my reward for childbirth and I knew I wasn't going to get it.
Finally at about 10:15 or so, I had made it to the magic number. It was time to start pushing. Really I had no choice because when you can feel the pain of labor, and it's pushing time, there's no denying it. I don't think it would be possible NOT to push by that time. Looking back, it's funny. I remember telling Carl early that morning that I hoped I didn't pass gas during the pushing because that type of embarrassment would be hard for me to handle. Well, let's just say that just a "poot" would've been a blessing. What actually happened was a pregnant girl's worst nightmare...Carl and my relationship has gone to a whole other level, and it wasn't pretty. I'll leave it at that. Luckily the pushing only lasted about 45 minutes or so. Yes it hurt; it hurt badly; but actually I think the contractions themselves without the pushing, were worse. My mom would be proud of me, the worst "profanity" I uttered in those moments was, "goodness". No curse words came out, even though I'm pretty sure I thought a few...or more.
At 11:01 Keaton was born. I can't tell you how relieved I was that it was over. Or so I thought. Just like last time, the nurses scooped Keaton up and instantly started doing their thing. I kept trying to catch glimpses of him as my doctor sewed me up. Now, the next part is probably TMI, but here goes. About 10 minutes after I had Cale my doctor started pushing on my stomach to try and get the placenta out. A few minutes in, he realized it wasn't going to be easy. He told me I had two options: He could knock me out, take me into surgery, and do a D & C or he could go for it, but it would be painful. I don't know what I was thinking, but I said "go for it" After about 30 minutes of extreme pushing, that was truly worse than the contractions and birth, my doctor gave up and told me they were going to take me into surgery to get a D&C. I can remember my doctor apologizing over and over as he pushed on my stomach and I cried out, all my shame and self-consciousness long gone. I also remember feeling like a little kid, thinking, "This isn't fair. It's suppossed to be over. I'm suppossed to be holding my little boy, seeing close family members, and chowing down on my burger, fries, and coke. This isn't suppossed to be happening." Well, besides the cold, bright surgery room, I don't remember anything else until about 7:30 the next morning. I remember waking up and thinking, "It's over, it's actually over". Then, I got really excited because I remembered that I hadn't really even seen my little boy. So, I woke Carl up and asked him to go to the nursery to get Keaton. (I think the second thing out of my mouth was, "We're NOT having any more babies") Wouldn't you know the on-call pediatrician was making his rounds and I didn't get to see Keaton for about another hour. And breakfast wasn't served for about another hour. I was a little aggravated!
But, it's over now. We're all home now as a family. Childbirth is a memory...not quite a distant memory yet, but a memory nonetheless. We are enjoying our time as a family of four and so far it has been surprisingly free of meltdowns. I feel so much more prepared this time around. I haven't freaked out at little things like last time. Lack of sleep hasn't effected me like last time either. It's like my body knew what the lack of sleep was going to feel like, and it was ready to cope. I've been pretty uncomfortable since the birth,but hopefully I'll feel better in a week or two. All-in-all, things are pretty great.
Mark my words: NO MORE BABIES FOR ME. No more being pregnant, no more swelling, no more getting bigger each day, no more dorky pants that go up to my boobs, no more labor pains...no more! Our family is complete! Ahhhh, that's a good feeling!
Friday, January 14, 2011
It's starting to hit me that pretty soon I'm going to be the mother of two boys. Ever since I found out we were pregnant, I've been a bit nervous about the thought of having two kids to take care of. I mean, one two-year old pretty much wears me out so how do I handle a newborn and a two-year old? But, then I remind myself of all those people out there who have 2+ kids. They survived. Their lives seem somewhat normal. At least from the outside looking in. Surely we can handle it.
Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment. After seeing my "sexy" legs, finding protein in my urine, and discovering my high blood pressure, my doctor told me I "was done". Bedrest for me. It was so crazy, driving home and thinking that for the next four weeks, I would not be working or making multiple trips to Wal-Mart each week, or cleaning house. Well, the doctor didn't actually say..."no cleaning house" but as far as Carl was going to know...he did! I was worried about how bedrest would work with a two year old who is used to taking piggy back rides on my back and pulling me in whatever direction he wants to go. But, I figured it would be okay because I could still take him to his babysitter each day and pick him up in the afternoon. Then it hit me how strange it would be to be at home each day without Cale to take care of. What would I do? Normally if Cale isn't home, I clean house, do laundry, and take care of all those chores that are near impossible to complete with a little one. So, what would I do now?
Well, by the time I got home from my appointment my doctor called to tell me that my bloodwork results showed low platelets. He told me that I would have to be admitted to the hospital for testing. Then, he said that if my platelet count was very much lower, I wouldn't be able to have an epidural. Suddenly my ears perked up. No, he didn't just say that, did he? The minute those words left his mouth, everything else he said began to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher, "Wah, wah, wah, wah..." I really have no idea what he said the rest of the conversation because I couldn't quite get passed the "no epidural" idea. I mean, I realize some people opt for no epidural. God bless them. I'm not one of those people. I'm into pain relief. I know there are other forms of pain relief that I can probably have, but I just don't think anything can compare with the pure bliss of the epidural. Come on platelets, go back up!
So, by tonight we'll know about my platelet count and we'll hopefully know if Keaton will be induced in the next day or two. Who knows, we may have our little boy by tomorrow. So, I guess now I'll just play the waiting game.
Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment. After seeing my "sexy" legs, finding protein in my urine, and discovering my high blood pressure, my doctor told me I "was done". Bedrest for me. It was so crazy, driving home and thinking that for the next four weeks, I would not be working or making multiple trips to Wal-Mart each week, or cleaning house. Well, the doctor didn't actually say..."no cleaning house" but as far as Carl was going to know...he did! I was worried about how bedrest would work with a two year old who is used to taking piggy back rides on my back and pulling me in whatever direction he wants to go. But, I figured it would be okay because I could still take him to his babysitter each day and pick him up in the afternoon. Then it hit me how strange it would be to be at home each day without Cale to take care of. What would I do? Normally if Cale isn't home, I clean house, do laundry, and take care of all those chores that are near impossible to complete with a little one. So, what would I do now?
Well, by the time I got home from my appointment my doctor called to tell me that my bloodwork results showed low platelets. He told me that I would have to be admitted to the hospital for testing. Then, he said that if my platelet count was very much lower, I wouldn't be able to have an epidural. Suddenly my ears perked up. No, he didn't just say that, did he? The minute those words left his mouth, everything else he said began to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher, "Wah, wah, wah, wah..." I really have no idea what he said the rest of the conversation because I couldn't quite get passed the "no epidural" idea. I mean, I realize some people opt for no epidural. God bless them. I'm not one of those people. I'm into pain relief. I know there are other forms of pain relief that I can probably have, but I just don't think anything can compare with the pure bliss of the epidural. Come on platelets, go back up!
So, by tonight we'll know about my platelet count and we'll hopefully know if Keaton will be induced in the next day or two. Who knows, we may have our little boy by tomorrow. So, I guess now I'll just play the waiting game.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Awww, sweet relief...
Last week was rough, but amazingly this week has been much better. I'm almost scared to say it...but he's sleeping like a dream. There, I said it. Knock on wood. What's the secret? Welllll...so we kind of back slid just a smidge. After almost a week of sleepless nights and constant battles you'll do almost anything. Sunday night we decided to "discipline" Cale (after he kept getting out of his bed) by making him sleep in "Baby Keaton's" bed. He flipped out when we first put him back in his crib. He cried and screamed for about 20 minutes, but then went to sleep and slept through the night! Now, he woke up a little peeved at us about the night before...okay A LOT peeved, but he got over it pretty quickly. He's slept in his old crib every night since Sunday and it's like magic. He seems happy to go to bed at night...comforted almost, is sleeping through the night, and even sleeps in longer in the morning (almost 7:00...which is AWESOME!)
It seems like a step backward, but at this point we don't care. It feels so good to know that Cale can't get out of his bed 10 times a night and it's nice to know we don't have to deal with the battle of sleeping right now. I feel like a new woman! Now that I have one kid sleeping (for now at least), I guess pretty soon I'll get to start the job of getting another kid to sleep.
We've come to the conclusion that Cale just doesn't quite have enough self-control to really sleep in a toddler bed right now. The temptation to get up and stay awake is just too much for him at this age. Plus he's just a tad bit strong-willed so that has something to do with it, too. I guess we'll try a real bed again in a few months and see how it goes. For now, we're loving the captivity of the crib...
It seems like a step backward, but at this point we don't care. It feels so good to know that Cale can't get out of his bed 10 times a night and it's nice to know we don't have to deal with the battle of sleeping right now. I feel like a new woman! Now that I have one kid sleeping (for now at least), I guess pretty soon I'll get to start the job of getting another kid to sleep.
We've come to the conclusion that Cale just doesn't quite have enough self-control to really sleep in a toddler bed right now. The temptation to get up and stay awake is just too much for him at this age. Plus he's just a tad bit strong-willed so that has something to do with it, too. I guess we'll try a real bed again in a few months and see how it goes. For now, we're loving the captivity of the crib...
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Rough Week...
So I officially am walking around on someone else's legs and feet. These elephant legs can't be mine! Oh, but they are. Each step I take gets harder and harder and I'm beginning to feel like my waddle has turned more into a limp by the end of the day. This week signified major swelling for me. I'm not sure why the swelling decided to get so much worse this week...maybe that means I'm near the end! Or maybe it's because school was out for a few weeks and this was my first week back. It's impossible to stay off your feet teaching and it's also impossible to prop your legs up. So, I guess I'll just have to deal with massive sore legs and feet for the next four weeks.
This week also signified major sleep issues for Cale (what's new, right?) Our poor little guy just can't sleep well for some reason. Every day this week, except Monday Cale has woken at about 4:00...and will.not.go.back.to.sleep. Last night it was 3:45. Carl and I had been searching for ideas on the Internet and talking to a few people, so we had somewhat of a plan of action. When Cale walked in our room, without saying a single word or giving him any ounce of attention we were going to take him back to his bed, shut his door, and wait. Well, luckily because I got up with Cale the first time he woke up at 12:30 (yes, he had already woken up once last night before teh 3:45 waking) Carl got out of bed with Cale at 3:45...not that I was able to go back to sleep. Over the course of the next hour and a half, Carl put Cale back in his bed 10 times. The next to last time, Carl decided to do something that I've been dreading, but knowing was probably near. He locked Cale's door. Those screams and cries for "momma" were so hard to listen to, knowing Cale was trying to open his door and couldn't. So, we laid there bed, trying to go to sleep at about 5:20 this morning. Then, after a few minutes, we heard the door open. It's like we have a baby escape artist that is more persistent than most adults. Somehow Cale had wiggled the handle enough that the door finally opened. Believe me, I felt pretty helpless at that moment because I realized our little two-year old is hard to defeat! So, Carl jumped up, took Cale back to his room, and by a miracle Cale finally gave up. I don't know if you would say we finally won. It was more of a cease fire. But, he actually went to sleep and slept until 7:15. Now, me on the other hand never slept another wink. It's hard enough to sleep while being this pregnant anyway, but once I'm awake for a few hours it's almost impossible for me to go back to sleep.
I don't tell these stories to whine or for sympathy...well, maybe a little. But, I tell these stories for all those parents out there who think, "Awww, I miss those days of having a little one!" or for all those parents who think their kids wake up early. Hopefully I have made you feel like things aren't so bad...they could always be worse! We're proof!
Sleep or no sleep, we wouldn't trade Cale for anything. We know there will come a day when we probably have to drag him out of bed to keep him from sleeping until noon. That day may be far away, but it will come...it will, right?
This week also signified major sleep issues for Cale (what's new, right?) Our poor little guy just can't sleep well for some reason. Every day this week, except Monday Cale has woken at about 4:00...and will.not.go.back.to.sleep. Last night it was 3:45. Carl and I had been searching for ideas on the Internet and talking to a few people, so we had somewhat of a plan of action. When Cale walked in our room, without saying a single word or giving him any ounce of attention we were going to take him back to his bed, shut his door, and wait. Well, luckily because I got up with Cale the first time he woke up at 12:30 (yes, he had already woken up once last night before teh 3:45 waking) Carl got out of bed with Cale at 3:45...not that I was able to go back to sleep. Over the course of the next hour and a half, Carl put Cale back in his bed 10 times. The next to last time, Carl decided to do something that I've been dreading, but knowing was probably near. He locked Cale's door. Those screams and cries for "momma" were so hard to listen to, knowing Cale was trying to open his door and couldn't. So, we laid there bed, trying to go to sleep at about 5:20 this morning. Then, after a few minutes, we heard the door open. It's like we have a baby escape artist that is more persistent than most adults. Somehow Cale had wiggled the handle enough that the door finally opened. Believe me, I felt pretty helpless at that moment because I realized our little two-year old is hard to defeat! So, Carl jumped up, took Cale back to his room, and by a miracle Cale finally gave up. I don't know if you would say we finally won. It was more of a cease fire. But, he actually went to sleep and slept until 7:15. Now, me on the other hand never slept another wink. It's hard enough to sleep while being this pregnant anyway, but once I'm awake for a few hours it's almost impossible for me to go back to sleep.
I don't tell these stories to whine or for sympathy...well, maybe a little. But, I tell these stories for all those parents out there who think, "Awww, I miss those days of having a little one!" or for all those parents who think their kids wake up early. Hopefully I have made you feel like things aren't so bad...they could always be worse! We're proof!
Sleep or no sleep, we wouldn't trade Cale for anything. We know there will come a day when we probably have to drag him out of bed to keep him from sleeping until noon. That day may be far away, but it will come...it will, right?
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year's Eve
Last night, we celebrated the New Year with some friends of ours that also have little ones around Cale's age. We just hung out, ate, and listened to the musical sound of toddler screams, tantrums, but also lots of laughter. The kids actually made it until like 11:15, and really even then they weren't too moody. I was quite surprised because I really expected Cale to begin to meltdown after 9:00. After everyone left, I had the chore of getting Cale to go to sleep. Which is really less like a chore, because a chore is something that you must do, but can usually get done easily. No, putting Cale to bed lately is more like climbing up Mt. Everest (not that I ever have, but I can imagine...); It's dreadful, uncomfortable, darn near impossible, time-consuming, and leaves me feeling completely worn out in the end. After about 30 minutes of Cale tossing, turning, flopping, bouncing up and down, begging me to lay by him and then whining because I wasn't laying exactly where he wanted me to lay, he finally quieted down enough that I was able to leave the room.
On a side note, the toddler-bed experience, although suspiciously easy in the beginning, has gradually turned into a nightmare. When we put Cale to bed lately, he won't stay. He gets up, turns off his sound machine which emits calming ocean waves which never seem to calm him. Then, he opens his door, shuts it behind him, opens the hall door, shuts it behind him, and comes to find us. We scoop him up, take him right back to bed at which time he begins to cry as he realizes we are actually going to make him go to sleep. The other night, this happened at least 5 times. He's a persistent little fellow. Carl finally had to hold Cale down in bed to get him to stay there. The torturous sounds coming from Cale were hard for this mama to listen to but apparently it worked because he finally stayed in bed and went to sleep. When Carl walked out of Cale's room that night he said that as he held Cale down, he calmly explained that he loved him, but he had to stay in bed and go to sleep. Cale, crying pitfully, said, "No, you don't love me." It broke Carl's heart. He already knows how to work us.
Right now, bedtime is bad, but middle of the night is even more painful. About every other night, Cale has been waking and coming into our room. He won't sleep with us, but wants one of us to come back to his room with him to lay with him. This may not sound so bad, but have you ever tried to comfortably lay in a toddler bed? Especially big and pregnant? It's not pretty and I CAN NOT fall asleep in that thing. And the minute you try to leave, Cale realizes and starts crying immediately and chases you back out, begging for you to come back. A couple of nights last week Cale was awake for more than 2 hours. It was a bad week for rest in the Kirtley household. Good news for me is that I've discovered my husband has the ability to sleep anywhere, anytime. So, I've been sending him in with Cale in the middle of the night and he climbs into Cale's toddler bed and actually goes to sleep. A 32, almost 33, year old man sleeping in a toddler bed. With a wiggly toddler who flips and flops all night. The things you do for your kids. And for sleep. We take what we can get around here!
Back to New Year's Eve, I finally got Cale to calm down and go to sleep, only to have him awaken and show up at our door couple of hours later. So, I dragged myself into his room, laid down on his bed with him and waited. About 20 minutes later, Cale was in a deep enough sleep that I snuck out, successfully. Then, at 6:15, the same thing happened again. So, I sent my sleep-gifted husband in with Cale to his bed and we actually got to sleep until almost 8:00! 8:00 to us, is like 10:00 to normal people. I think we're going to have to invest in a different bed for Cale already. Either a twin or maybe even a full size bed because the toddler bed just isn't cutting it!
On a side note, the toddler-bed experience, although suspiciously easy in the beginning, has gradually turned into a nightmare. When we put Cale to bed lately, he won't stay. He gets up, turns off his sound machine which emits calming ocean waves which never seem to calm him. Then, he opens his door, shuts it behind him, opens the hall door, shuts it behind him, and comes to find us. We scoop him up, take him right back to bed at which time he begins to cry as he realizes we are actually going to make him go to sleep. The other night, this happened at least 5 times. He's a persistent little fellow. Carl finally had to hold Cale down in bed to get him to stay there. The torturous sounds coming from Cale were hard for this mama to listen to but apparently it worked because he finally stayed in bed and went to sleep. When Carl walked out of Cale's room that night he said that as he held Cale down, he calmly explained that he loved him, but he had to stay in bed and go to sleep. Cale, crying pitfully, said, "No, you don't love me." It broke Carl's heart. He already knows how to work us.
Right now, bedtime is bad, but middle of the night is even more painful. About every other night, Cale has been waking and coming into our room. He won't sleep with us, but wants one of us to come back to his room with him to lay with him. This may not sound so bad, but have you ever tried to comfortably lay in a toddler bed? Especially big and pregnant? It's not pretty and I CAN NOT fall asleep in that thing. And the minute you try to leave, Cale realizes and starts crying immediately and chases you back out, begging for you to come back. A couple of nights last week Cale was awake for more than 2 hours. It was a bad week for rest in the Kirtley household. Good news for me is that I've discovered my husband has the ability to sleep anywhere, anytime. So, I've been sending him in with Cale in the middle of the night and he climbs into Cale's toddler bed and actually goes to sleep. A 32, almost 33, year old man sleeping in a toddler bed. With a wiggly toddler who flips and flops all night. The things you do for your kids. And for sleep. We take what we can get around here!
Back to New Year's Eve, I finally got Cale to calm down and go to sleep, only to have him awaken and show up at our door couple of hours later. So, I dragged myself into his room, laid down on his bed with him and waited. About 20 minutes later, Cale was in a deep enough sleep that I snuck out, successfully. Then, at 6:15, the same thing happened again. So, I sent my sleep-gifted husband in with Cale to his bed and we actually got to sleep until almost 8:00! 8:00 to us, is like 10:00 to normal people. I think we're going to have to invest in a different bed for Cale already. Either a twin or maybe even a full size bed because the toddler bed just isn't cutting it!
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