Mom-ish

So today I officially felt old. Not that it's the first time or anything. It's happening more and more these days. As I shared my vehicle this afternoon, I felt like the "soccer mom" in a car full of younger girls. The sad thing is these girls were actually about my age, one even a tiny bit older. Tiny as in about 6 months. If that counts.

To explain, I am in a wedding tomorrow. My life-long best friend is getting married to her childhood sweetheart. The rehearsal was this afternoon. After the rehearsal we had to drive about 15 minutes to the dinner. The bride asked if she and several other girls could ride with me. I smiled and said, "Of course. That will be great! (fake smile)" But, in my mind I panicked. I mean, I now have two car seats in the back. And if you have ever had car seats in your car, you know how dangerous it can be to pull those things out. You never know what's hiding beneath them. It could be living. It could be gruesome and rotten. Most times it is the latter. Seriously. I have had to pull Cale's carseat out, carry it sideways to the grass, dripping the whole way, and pour smelly, mysterious, syrupy liquid out of it and then spray it down with a water hose. And who knows how long that, whatever it was that had liquified or fermented in the hot summer sun, had been there. At least I had found the source of the smell.

Back to this afternoon. So, I crossed my fingers as I unhooked Cale's seat and carefully lifted it out, hoping no one was looking. It was messy underneath, no doubt. But luckily the mess just consisted of Goldfish crackers (some whole and some crumbs), and sweettarts. No mysterious liquid stains or moldy food. I breathed a sigh of relief.

But once the car seat was out and the crackers were swept off, my job was still not finished. I had to get the baby blankets, bibs, four or five Thomas trains, cars, and plastic toy dinosaur out of my floor board. As one girl sat in the front seat beside me, she pulled the visor down, trying to look in the mirror. But, she couldn't even get to the mirror because of the visor-case holding the sea of cartoon DVD's that now help us survive all car rides with a two-year old. And once my car was "clean" I couldn't help wondering if there was a smell. Like a sour spit-up, urine-ish, dirty toddler/newborn smell. You know, a smell that you can't detect because you live in it, but a smell that hits others like a punch in the gut. I didn't notice anyone cringing or gasping for air, so hopefully the smell wasn't too bad.

Yes, I felt old. These girls weren't married, yet. They didn't have kids. They were about my age. But here I was in the mom-mobile, complete with carseats, spilled food, toys, and mysterious stinky smells. And why is my passenger side visor mirror not accessible? Because I no longer have time to look in the mirror.

Yes, I am old. Maybe not in actual number years. But, I'm "Mom-old". Having kids will do that to you. Occasionally I miss that feeling of being young and carefree. Sometimes I miss having a clean car complete with the scent of air fresheners. Sometimes I miss having a back seat that people can actually sit in, without the hassle of carseat removal or fear of contamination.

But always, those moments of reminiscing about my carefree days, are replaced with moments of being so thankful for our two little ones. They are a lot of work. They do make messes. But they are truly worth it and life wouldn't be nearly as much fun without them. More restful, but not as much fun!